Over the last few months (since October actually) I have been trying very hard to transform my eating and exercising habits. It has been very difficult, and honestly, I think it will be difficult for the rest of my life, however, finally, I think I am seeing some extraordinary results.
First: I have discovered running. Back in October I decided I wanted to be a runner. I have always liked running. It just did not like me. So my main goal was to get my body to a point where I could run 2 0r 3 miles without stopping, without dropping dead. My good friend Susan, who is an amazing runner, took me under her wing and helped me develop a running plan. It goes a lot like this: http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml It really works! Two weeks ago I ran my first 5K. Now I have to admit...I have a long way to go. The 5K was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I did have to walk once or twice for 20 or 30 seconds. My time was terrible and I came in at the very end of the pack. But, I did it! And, I loved it! Running Rocks! I like the way I feel when I am running. It makes me want to push my body, it makes me feel invigorated, it makes me feel awake, alive. It makes my thinking process clearer. It makes me have a better day, be a better wife, a better mom. When I don't run, I feel so bummed out.
Second: I have developed some really good eating habits. I realized that carbohydrates were my biggest short coming. So I have tried really hard to cut all the bad carbohydrates out. No refined sugar, no bleached flour. I eat lots of lean protein and lots of veggies. I finally can go 3 or 4 days without even thinking of ice cream or cookies or a bag of Doritos. And when I do think about it, I let myself have a treat. Over the past few weeks it seems to have just clicked. I don't feel like I need to eat every second of the day. I honestly think the running has been the key for me. When I run my appetite doesn't seem to get out of control. I am trying to keep it realistic. I am 100 percent sure that I will mess up, but if I do, I will get right back on track...and just keep running!
Third: I have lost about 45 pounds so far. Since I've had the baby I have slowly, very slowly, lost some weight. It feels so good to have clothes fit me better. I get frustrated at times because I want the chub to come off faster but I think I have finally accepted the fact that slower is better. The slower it comes off the longer it will stay off and that is much more important to me. I don't ever want to go back to the way I felt when I was 9 months pregnant. I want to be healthy and stay healthy. I have a long way to go to my ultimate goal...40 or 50 more pounds, but it's so exciting to think I am half way there!
Last: All of this thinking about my physical health has really helped transform my perspective about my spiritual health. I have never felt closer to Heavenly Father. I have seemed to discover this new image of my divine potential. Heavenly Father loves me, he knows who I am and no matter what I look like...no matter what anyone looks like he will love us forever. I have never been a very confident girl. Sure, on the outside I seem to be out going and fun loving :o) But, I am not so sure I ever understood my inner worth. It was so much easier to say...I am so fat, I am such a looser, I am not a good enough mom or a good enough wife, I am going to fake it today. And honestly I think I faked it a lot. How can you be good at those things if you don't feel good inside. Once I started to feel like I could change things about my outer appearance I started to realize my inner appearance was much more valuable. And I think I have come to the conclusion that I don't need to change that much. I am a good wife, I am a good mom. I am a good person. Or at least I am doing the best I possibly can and if I do try to improve I am only improving on something that is already good.
Oh, and don't worry, I am not delusional, I know that tomorrow may not be perfect or that the next day I may yell at my kids at the top of my lungs and then eat a Twinkie. But today, just for today, I am very, very happy.